Critique "This Old Town"

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Permalink Reply by Randy Young on July 24, 2009 at 2:11pm

Hey Derrick,

Nice track! ... here are my reactions on first listen...

Loved the mood you set - found that in sync with the lyric and subject matter.

Very nice melody, though a touch more dynamic on the vocal would bring that chorus to life.

Also the chorus was cut a little short for me - you have a great opportunity to double it up and get the title in at least twice to help drive it home. You start with a nice melodic idea there and walked away early.

That being said, I found the instrumental break after the 1st chorus a little long - I would have much preferred the longer chorus.

Lyrically, i like the subject matter but in country, the imagery in the verses often needs to be a little more concrete and specific. I found yours, although inline with the subject, just a touch too surface. Sometimes one great line is all you need to bring a verse to life.

Second verse , i find the ideas bleed over from one melodic phrase to the next - although may "read" well, as a listener, we often group the ideas by melodic phrase. You might want to see how your punctuation in your lyric lines up with your melodic phrases.

Overall, I think you are one re-write away from a lean song.

Is this the type of feedback you are looking for?

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Permalink Reply by Derrick McKee on July 24, 2009 at 2:16pm

Absolutely. That was terrific feedback and very helpful. I'm actually at the point now where I'm re-writing a lot of my songs, so having this type of subjective information is essential.

This was very much an "in the moment", emotional song when I wrote it. It came straight from the heart and I personally love it for that reason. However, it definitely needs to be re-worked a bit in order to be in-line with contemporary country styles.

Thank you very much!

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Permalink Reply by Randy Young on July 24, 2009 at 2:22pm

Those "in the moment" ones are the ones that you hope for every time!

I find that's the tough thing about writing, is to stay in touch with that initial feeling when you first begin a new idea.

If you had to define this track with one key emotion... what would it be?

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Permalink Reply by Derrick McKee on July 24, 2009 at 2:34pm

I'd really have to say "sadness" at having to move on from a place I once loved. I lived in Morgantown, WV for 5 years throughout college and grad school. I made once-in-a-lifetime friends and had the time of my life there.

The love of the town started to fade when the majority of my undergrad friends left. All the sudden traditions I'd grown used to didn't exist anymore (Kegler's for wings and happy hour with 8 good friends every Friday at 5:30 for four years!).

THEN, after grad. school I was offered a job in Morgantown and stuck around. At that point, the town had completely passed me by. I didn't love the town... I loved the memories and the nostalgia brought me down. I had a place to live rather than a place that felt like home once everything I cared about moved on.

The night before I moved away I sat down and wrote this song in about 10 minutes.

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Permalink Reply by Randy Young on July 24, 2009 at 3:01pm

Could sadness only be a result of an overall or "meta"-feeling? We can have feelings ABOUT feelings...

Could the overall feeling be a type of homesickness? - a town that has "passed you by" - Maybe you can play on the definition a bit... it's defined as feelings of longing that are often accompanied by anxiety and depression. Some go as far to say there is a sense of dread, helplessness, or separation anxiety. Make sense?

I connected with more honest emotion and story in your last post than i did on first listen of the song... Maybe you can explore your last post and see what's there - Morgantown, lost love... the interplay between a "place to live" and a "place you call home"

"I had a place to live rather than a place that felt like home once everything I cared about moved on." <-- a great line that can be massaged into a lyric

See where I'm going with this? you don't have to dig much deeper to get the unique elements that make this song your own WITHOUT losing the connection to the audience - because we connect to the emotion behind it - and many of us have been through what you are describing.

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Permalink Reply by Derrick McKee on July 24, 2009 at 3:35pm

I absolutely agree regarding "feelings about feelings". I felt anxious all the time... I felt like I didn't have any connections... I'd get bummed out that traditions had to go by the wayside... Mainly, I guess, I wasn't ready for it to end and tried to hold on to it for way too long.

Thanks for your posts. It's been a great help. I'm about to hit the road now for the weekend but I'll be back on Sunday evening. Maybe I'll have some new lyrics worked up.

Have a great one!

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