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Critique - This Fear Will End Tonight
Another song - thanks for your time in advance! It's about the fight with depression I recently won. Like the last song I posted, there's no link to hear this song. Am I doing any better than that last one? The last one is on my blog here - http://www.musicmarketing.net/profiles/blogs/the-war-song-lyrics
===This Fear Will End Tonight
Sitting in the dark again, void of light,
there’s one last candle, flame flickering.
My fear of this room, where the walls creep in,
do I see what I’m seeing?
As I watch the flame my source of light,
life flies by, I try to stop but I’m losing grip.
I sit idly by and I watch the burned out flame,
I feel that this is it.
= Chorus
I feel this fear will end tonight!
I’ve been locked in this room so long,
that I’m desperate to survive.
Once and for all, I’ll beat you to it.
I feel this fear will end tonight!
I’m slowly losing my mind,
but please hold on, give me light.
I can’t let you win! I can’t let you win!
Stuck in my dark again, void of light,
one last match, it sparks something inside,
my fears and all weaknesses again,
when does it subside?
I’m watching the flame, source of light,
it brings out my demons, but I look away.
I still lose control, I’m losing my mind,
the flame burns out, no more delay.
= Chorus
No more light, all my hope is lost.
Am I crazy? No, but I’m exhausted.
Stumbling around in the dark,
it was here all along, I found the key!
Open the door to see the light so vast,
I walk the hall, gratefully free at last.
END
© 2009 Ron Carr
===This Fear Will End Tonight
Sitting in the dark again, void of light,
there’s one last candle, flame flickering.
My fear of this room, where the walls creep in,
do I see what I’m seeing?
As I watch the flame my source of light,
life flies by, I try to stop but I’m losing grip.
I sit idly by and I watch the burned out flame,
I feel that this is it.
= Chorus
I feel this fear will end tonight!
I’ve been locked in this room so long,
that I’m desperate to survive.
Once and for all, I’ll beat you to it.
I feel this fear will end tonight!
I’m slowly losing my mind,
but please hold on, give me light.
I can’t let you win! I can’t let you win!
Stuck in my dark again, void of light,
one last match, it sparks something inside,
my fears and all weaknesses again,
when does it subside?
I’m watching the flame, source of light,
it brings out my demons, but I look away.
I still lose control, I’m losing my mind,
the flame burns out, no more delay.
= Chorus
No more light, all my hope is lost.
Am I crazy? No, but I’m exhausted.
Stumbling around in the dark,
it was here all along, I found the key!
Open the door to see the light so vast,
I walk the hall, gratefully free at last.
END
© 2009 Ron Carr
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by James Odle on -
Howdy Ron,
Like everything we write, it all fills a need and a purpose. This one I'm sure filled a great purpose for you. But as a song, I'm not convinced that's what this is. Not everything we write is going to be "that" one. This, to me, serves its purpose as good practice. You were able to visulaize what you wanted to say, come up with a chorus and then bring it to it's conclusion. What you need to ask yourself is: what about this song is relevent to the masses? What makes it so unique that everyone will want to listen to it? And then, want to listen to it again?
You are doing a good job of telling me the story, but use your words to show me the story.
Of course my comments are mostly geared towards the commercial aspect of songwriting. If this is not your aim and you are just writing to please that songwriter in yourself, that's fine. And as Emily Litella would say, "Never mind."
Have fun with it!
James
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